Title: Ordinary World Series #2 - The Wheels on the Bus
Author: Suzy K
Rating: PG
Category: Fluff/Humor
Characters: Josh (and a little Donna)
Follows: “On the Day Before” - Season 3 (before Cliff and Amy)
Summary: This takes place about a month after #1 in the series, 'Coffee, Coffee Everywhere, But Not a Drop to Drink.' Josh loses a bet to CJ and to pay it off, he has to get up close and personal with public transportation.
Author's Notes: Once again, you can blame, Joell, my beta for getting me started on this. ‘Coffee’ was supposed to be a one shot piece and thanks to Joell it’s seems this will be a series. You don’t have to read #1 in the series to understand this story but it might help with a little background. Oh, and I know the picture in the masthead is from Season 7 (the images of Ronna and Bram in the background are a dead giveaway) and this story is set in Season 3, but I liked the picture so I used it. We'll call it artistic license.
**********
Josh’s POV:
I'm just not sure how I manage to get myself into things sometimes.
I mean, seriously, it's like I live with some great big 'kick me' sign tattooed on my karma.
If I asked her, I'm sure that Donna, my now significant other both personally and professionally, would say I could avoid a lot of these incidents altogether if I could just shut up once in a while.
As you can tell, she's been verrrrry supportive.
Heck, I don't even get any sympathy sex when I get myself into these messes. That's not to say that I NEED sympathy sex. Actually we're having quite a lot of sex, enough that I'm sure we're giving bunnies a run for their money and we're both walking around in a somewhat blissful haze most of the time.
Sam tells me he's never seen me in this good a mood for this long a stretch. Sex with Donna on a daily basis (and usually more) seems to agree with me. To that, I say...well, DUH!
What also agrees with me, is the fact that Leo and CJ didn't even kill me when they found out that after the coffee incident last month, Donna and I are now together. I suspect Donna worked some kind of Sisterhood mojo magic to get CJ not to cause me bodily harm.
As for Leo, he was very stern when he lectured Donna and me about office decorum and not doing anything...questionable in my office or on White House grounds for that matter. The funny thing is, I swear I caught him smirking at me a time or two right after he found out about us. He also clearly told us that while Donna could still work with me, she'd report to him directly. I was very relieved to hear that because let's face it, I'm lost without her and I didn't want them shipping her off to someone else.
Okay, I've stumbled way off topic here...so let me get back to my story.
As I said...I'm not exactly sure how I get myself into things. 'Things' in this case being riding public transportation, or more precisely, the bus, through the streets of D.C.
It all started last Friday night when a rather large group of us were all playing poker in Leo's office.
**********
"How long has it been since we've played poker?" CJ asks everyone as they ante.
Toby announces his choice of game and begins to deal. "5 card draw, nothing wild," he says as he finishes dealing.
The rest of us consider CJ's question, but the president answers first. "You know I, think it's been over a year."
"Mandy was still here," Leo puts in absently.
I get a weird twinge when he says that because it means it was before Rosslyn. So much has happened since then.
Immediately I look to my right and find Donna watching me, her eyes soft and understanding. I should have known she would recognize the significance as easily as I do. Surreptitiously, I slip my hand under the table, find hers and give it a squeeze to let her know it's okay...I'm okay.
"It can't have been that long," Sam protests. "I know it's been a while, but that would make it almost 2 years ago."
"Well, we have been busy, Sam," Toby comments.
The president looks at me and I can tell he's thinking along the same lines as Donna and me. "Yeah, a lot's happened," he murmurs.
CJ seems to sense that her question has had an unexpected affect, although, I don't think she knows exactly what that affect is, and she tries to take things in a new direction.
"So Toby, I got a couple questions from the gaggle today on the administration’s reaction to HR 320. Do you think it will make it through the House?” she asks.
“I open for $5,” Sam says tossing a chip into the pot to get things rolling.
Toby takes a long satisfying drag on his cigar. "It’s going to be close. Steinman's got support for 320, but I don't think he’s going to get it passed with the lower fossil fuel emission rider they've attached to it."
"I see your $5 and I raise it five," I tell them. My chips make a satisfying ‘plink’ as I toss them into the pot.
"He's gotta keep the rider," Leo comments. "If he cuts it, it takes the heart right out of the bill. The only way we're going to get the automakers to build cars that have lower emission rates is to make it against the law to do anything else."
"It's not just the automakers Leo." I add. "People need to do their part. We wouldn't even need bills like 320 if people would just get with the program and be more environmentally responsible."
Donna gives me a sideways grin. "Says the man who lives close enough to walk to work or can afford to buy a hybrid car," she teases as she tosses her cards down on the table. "I fold."
"What's that got to do with anything?" I ask a little indignantly as Charlie calls my raise. You know, when Donna and I became an item, I thought maybe she'd be nicer to me. No such luck. Then again, I'd be lying if I said I didn't love the fact that she can still put me in my place.
"I think she means not everyone is lucky enough to live close to where we work or have the money to avoid driving our pollution spewing cars," Charlie explained.
"Hey, if people don't live close enough to walk to work, they can ride a bike or car pool or take mass transit. Most major cities have solid mass transit systems in place. Take D.C. for example. It has one of the best transit systems in the country, but people just don’t take advantage of it like they should."
It's the president's turn to bid, but he's giving me one of those looks. The kind that makes me wonder if I’ve done something to warrant another evening of National Park trivia.
"Josh, when was the last time you availed yourself of public transportation or you know, rode the bus?" he finally asks as he calls the current bid. "It's not exactly like riding in the lap of luxury."
"I've ridden the bus!" I hear myself exclaim with a bit of a squeak in my voice that ends up ruining any authority behind my protest.
"Campaign buses don't count," CJ puts in as she and Leo both call my earlier bid.
"I know, I've ridden the regular public bus!" I say trying to defend myself.
"Oh, and just when was this momentous occasion?" Toby asks as he also calls the bet. “How many cards do you want, Sam?”
"When I was going to Harvard," I say triumphantly, quite pleased with myself.
“I’ll take three,” Sam says dispiritedly. I'm guessing he has a pair.
"So like 20 years ago?" CJ guesses by my earlier response. "Gee, Josh, you're quite the poster child for mass transit, there."
"It still counts!"
The president's reply is to give me another pop quiz. "Josh, do you even know how much it costs to ride the bus?"
With a sigh, I have to admit I'm at a loss. "No, I don't."
He looks around the table at all of us. "Do any of you know?"
Almost everyone at the table avoids meeting his gaze as they studiously stare at their cards. All except, that is, Donna and Charlie who exchange a curious glance. Then Donna proceeds to put the rest of us to shame.
"Riding the regular bus costs $1.25 and an express costs $3.00."
"Don't forget about the all-day pass," Charlie reminds her.
"Oh, yeah, you can also buy an all-day pass for the regular or express bus for $3.00," she amends.
"The only problem with the all-day pass is that if you use it for an express bus, it only covers $1.25 of the usual $3.00 fare," Charlie adds. "They also have weekly passes for $11.00."
Everyone but me and from the look on his face, the president, are shocked and a little awed that Donna and Charlie knew the answer so readily. I'm not surprised that Donna knew because I long ago realized that Donna knows everything. As for the president, I'm guessing that he thinks the same thing about Charlie. Plus, I'm guessing they've both actually had to RIDE the bus at some point in the recent past.
Toby speaks up before I can say anything further. "Okay, now that we've finished the illuminating discussion of bus economics, how many cards does Ralph Kramden want?" he asks.
I realize he's talking to me and I can feel myself frowning. "Who the hell is Ralph Kramden?"
"The guy Jackie Gleason played on the Honeymooners,” Donna explains. “He drove a bus for a living.”
“Josh, how many cards do you want?” Toby asks again, but Sam opens his mouth before I can answer.
“What did the other guy do?” Sam chimes in. “You know, the neighbor guy?”
“His name was Ed Norton, but I don’t know what he did either,” Donna replies. “But I do know that The Flintstones were loosely based on the Honeymooners.”
Despite my better judgment, I get pulled into their discussion. “But wait, Fred Flintstone wasn’t a bus driver, was he?”
“No, he worked in a rock quarry,” Sam replies.
“Anyone remember what his boss' name was?” The president asks throwing himself into the discussion.
It's becoming more and more evident to me that the president seems unable to have a conversation without inserting some sort of pop quiz into it. Luckily, for me, my girlfriend is the queen of trivia.
“Mr. Slate,” she answers instantly.
“Very good, Donnatella,” the president beams proudly.
Hmmm, I wonder what the American people would think if they knew the leader of the free world was sitting here discussing the Flintstones?
“Are we going to talk about inane pop culture all night or is Josh going to tell me how many cards he wants so we can get on with this game?” Toby grouses.
Everyone is suddenly looking at me like it’s my fault the game has come to a crashing halt and I have to suppress the urge to squirm.
I glance down at my cards and realize that I've completely forgotten what’s in my hand. But I'm pleasantly surprised to find that except for one card I've got an open ended straight.
"One," I say laying the offending card down as Toby deals me a new one. When I see it's the six I need to give me an actual straight, it's all I can do to contain my glee. Now if I can just get everyone to stay in, I should be the winner of a very nice pot.
"I'll take two," Charlie says.
The president follows. "Three," he says tossing the discards on the table.
"So what was her name?" Donna asks me using her best innocent voice as Leo asks for two cards.
I have no idea what she's talking about. "Who's name?" I ask as I blink at her in confusion.
"The name of the girl you rode the bus for in college."
How the hell did she know that? She really is freakish that way...or you know, she just knows me too well.
"Why does there have to be a girl?" I try to protest.
Even though she doesn't verbally answer me, her response is written all over her face as her look goes from innocent to dubious.
If I keep denying it, I know there will be punishment later...and not the good kind.
"Okay, okay her name was Mindy, Mindy Foster." Everyone begins to smirk and I'm trying to think of something good to say but I'm coming up empty.
"So you were trying to impress her by riding the bus?" CJ asked with an incredulous snort as she takes four new cards from Toby.
"Well, yeah..." I swallow hard as I hear Donna's soft laughter. "At first."
“Wait, how does riding the bus impress a girl?” Sam asks me. “I would think riding the bus would be a mark in the negative column.”
“Well, usually yes," I tell him. "But she was an ecology student and she thought everyone should use mass transit, so I thought it would be my 'in' with her.”
“I take it your wooing by bus didn’t come out as planned?” CJ asks as Toby takes two new cards for himself.
“Well, yes and no. We did go out a couple of times, but she was a vegetarian and was into health food and liked to weave her own clothes or some crap like that and it didn't take me long to figure out that I liked too many things she didn’t..."
"Such as?" Donna asks.
"Oh, like taking a shower everyday, red meat and clothes that didn’t feel like they were made out of burlap,” I explain. “But I figured she did have a point about riding the bus, so I started riding it."
"And how long did that resolve last?"
I consider lying, but somehow I don't think they'd believe me and I know Donna would see right through it.
I can't help but sigh. "About a month."
CJ just shakes her head. “Yeah, Josh, that story is a real testament to why people should ride the bus."
“Oh, I don’t know, CJ,” the president begins. “Maybe the Transit Authority can make a new slogan from it." He makes a grand gesture with his hands. "You know...something like 'find love on the bus.'"
I try not to be annoyed with him for his ‘helpful’ comment or with the snickering I hear from CJ and Donna, but I’m not very successful and I go for misdirecting the attention away from me instead.
“So Sam, what are you waiting for? Are you going to open or what?”
Yeah, that was a smooth transition.
Sam glares at me for a long moment and I’m pretty sure he knows I just threw him under the bus, but everyone’s attention is now focused on him, so I don’t especially care.
"I pass," he mutters, clearly not happy with his hand.
All right, here’s where I make everyone pay for mocking me by taking their money.
"Okay, I’ll open for $10,” I tell them.
Charlie looks at me as if he’s sizing me up. “Considering the fact that I have a crummy hand and I want to eat this weekend, I fold,” he says tossing the cards onto the table.
“I’ll call,” the president says as he throws his chips in and the pot really starts to grow.
“I’m in, too,” Leo follows.
CJ doesn’t move for a moment. Instead, she gives me the evil eye, I think just to see if she can make me squirm. Well, with this hand, I’m squirm-proof.
“I think you’re bluffing, mi amore,” she fingers her chips for a moment. “So I see your ten and I raise it ten.”
Won’t she be surprised when she finds out that I’m not bluffing?
Everyone who’s still in the game, begins to sweat a little, but I give CJ a level stare. “Bring it on, Berkley girl.”
Before CJ can mount a retort, Toby takes his turn. “Since you two are apparently turning into lunatics, I think I’ll stay out of the line of fire and just fold right now,” he says throwing down his cards and taking a lazy pull on his cigar.
“Sam?”
“Oh, I most definitely fold,” he says, pushing his cards away as if they’re either on fire or a snake that’s ready to bite him.
I grin across the table at CJ. “‘Well, I admire your gumption there, CJ, so I’ll see your ten dollar raise and raise it...twenty.”
I feel the temperature and suspense in the room ratchet up a couple more notches, but CJ just continues to give me her best stink-eye stare.
“Too rich for me,” the president decides as he folds.
“Yeah, me too,” Leo grouses. “I’m out,” he says tossing his cards onto the table near the pot that has now reached almost a hundred dollars.
Now it’s just me and CJ and I can almost hear the music from ‘High Noon’ playing in my head as I continue to stare her down.
"Well, this hand certainly has taken an interesting turn, hasn't it?" CJ says calmly.
"Yeah, and it looks like it's just you and me," I tell her smugly. "So...what are you going to do about it?"
"I'm going to see your raise," she said tossing the necessary chips on the table. "And I'm going to raise it." She looks thoughtful for a moment, then cocks her head slightly. "But, I'd like to make things interesting."
Okay, so her look may have been more plotting than thoughtful. Alarm bells start going off in my head, but I'm not going to show any fear. Especially now, when I think she's totally bluffing and only trying to get me to fold. I mean, God, she took 4 cards. How good of a hand can she have?
"All right," I tell her. "What do you have in mind?"
"If I win this pot you have to use public transportation to go from your place in Georgetown to the Capitol Building and then from the Capitol Building to the White House."
I feel blindsided and I hate the insecurity I hear in my voice when I answer. "Public transportation? As in the metro?"
"No, actually I mean the bus," she clarifies with an amused gleam in her eye. "You have to take the bus."
Ride the bus? Is she kidding?
Then again...
The wheels in my brain start to turn and I realize that riding the bus will be no big deal. If it comes down to it, I'll just enlist Donna's help to get me set up with everything. She'll be my ace in the hole. Maybe I can even talk her into riding the bus with me. It could be like our own little adventure. Feeling confidence rush through me again, I open my mouth to answer, but CJ cuts me off.
"But you have to ride the bus by yourself and Donna can't help you," she replies apparently reading my mind.
Damn. CJ knows me entirely too well. "Why can't she help me?!" I complain. "She helps me with everything else."
"Because Josh, mere mortals, do not have a Donna to help them. I'm sure that the Metro Transit Authority has a perfectly good website where you can get bus schedules and routes."
I'm starting to feel a line of sweat beginning to form between my shoulder blades. Outwardly, however, I remain calm.
"And what do I get if I win the pot?"
She thinks about the question for a moment. "Me bringing you a fresh cup of Starbuck's coffee every morning for a month," she offers.
"Well, as tempting as that is Claudia Jean, I don't think making you bring me a beverage every morning will compare with the humiliating and complicated process of riding the bus with the rest of the unwashed masses."
Being careful of her cards, CJ rests her arms on the table and folds them carefully. "Fine, then name your terms...Harvard boy," she replies echoing my earlier jab at her about Berkley.
Oh, the endless possibilities. It should be something that has the potential to be both entertaining to me and mildly humiliating to her. Then it hits me.
"I know," I say with a grin. "Starbucks for me every morning for a month, and you have to give a performance of ‘The Jackal’ to anyone who wants to see it...including 5 members of the White House Press Corps that I personally invite. Once of which will be Danny Concannon."
"Ooooo," I hear Sam exclaim. "Good one."
After she glares at Sam, I see CJs confidence waiver for just a second and it makes me want to pump the air in triumph. It's going to be too much to ask and she's going to fold.
Donna picks that moment to whisper in my ear. "Are you sure you want to do this, Josh?"
Trying not to let the feeling of her warm breath floating over my ear distract me, I turn to her with a widening grin. She hasn't seen my cards so she doesn't know what a great hand I have. Victory is within my grasp.
"Don't worry, Donna," I whisper back reassuringly. "I've got this wired."
"It's a deal," CJ blurts suddenly. “But I get to let my own five members of the White House Press Corps get to see you ride the bus.”
And just like that, victory is snatched away.
To say I'm stunned is an understatement. "Excuse me?" I ask in disbelief.
"It's a deal, Josh," she repeats, with a smug little tilt to her smile. "I call your bet."
Suddenly, I have to swallow hard before I can speak. "Are you sure?"
"Positive," she tells me. "Are YOU sure? This is the last chance to change your mind and fold," she offers.
There's no way I'm going to let her break me now. "No, I'm in," I say trying to regain my earlier confidence.
"Good," her little smile morphs into a wide grin. "Read them and weep."
Laying down her cards, I look at her hand and my heart drops into my shoes.
I should have listened to Donna's warning when I had the chance.
CJ has a flush in clubs and her flush beats my straight.
How the hell did she get a flush? She took four cards for god sakes!
This only means one thing...
Oh, crap.
**********
'Beep! Beep! Beep!'
I hear the alarm going off, but it's Saturday and I just snuggle deeper into the covers and pull my pillow over my face in an attempt to ignore it.
Just as I'd hoped, Donna can't stand the sound and she gives in before I have to and she reaches up to switch it off. I hear her groan slightly and feel her stretching languidly beside me.
Although she hasn't officially moved in with me or anything, Donna's here most nights and I have to admit, waking up next to her on those mornings is SOOO much better than waking up alone.
The next sensation I have is her body rubbing up against me under the covers.
Hmmm, this could be interesting.
Her teeth nibble on my earlobe and her lips brush against the shell of my ear. Suddenly, sleep is the last thing on my mind.
"Time to get up, Josh," she whispers into my ear.
"I'm working on it," I mutter as I turn toward her. Of course, I'm referring to the growing tightness in my groin and not at all about getting out of bed.
Donna pretty much ruins my efforts when she pulls the pillow away from my face.
"I mean it's time to get out of bed, Josh," she chides as she rolls away and gets out of bed.
"Okay, using morning sex as a lure is just mean," I grumble.
"Whatever it takes to get you up and moving," she says cheerfully as she walks to the bathroom.
I let my gaze linger over her bare, mile long legs stretching out of a pair of my boxer shorts. She has the most amazing legs...especially when they're wrapped around me. Oh, who the hell am I kidding? She has the most amazing everything. The fact that she's not going to let me enjoy any of her everything, only makes me want to burrow deeper into the bed.
Donna makes the mistake of not removing the pillow from the bed and so I just snatch it up. "I'm not getting out of bed," I growl as I put it back over my face.
"Fine," I hear her say over the sound of running water.
Under the pillow, I frown. That was WAY too easy. I fling the pillow onto my stomach. "Fine?"
I can hear her brushing her teeth now.
"Yes, Josh," she says around what sounds like a mouthful of toothpaste. "You're an adult and I'm not your mother or your keeper. If you want to stay in bed all day, stay in bed."
Now I'm really suspicious. "Just like that?" I ask as the water turns off. Is she really going to let me get out of the thing that easily?
"Just like that," she says as she breezes back into the room wearing my bathrobe, which I find almost as hot as her in my boxer shorts. I have a serious thing for Donna in any article of my clothing. I wonder what she's wearing under the robe.
I smile at her suggestively. "Good, I'm glad you've come to see things my way. Now why don't you and your minty fresh breath come back here and join me in this big empty bed?"
She gives me a Cheshire-cat grin. "Nope, sorry, I've got things to do," she says walking out of the bedroom. Since her routine is similar to mine, I'm guessing that she's headed for the kitchen to make some coffee.
Since sex is obviously out, I'm determined to get some kind of enjoyment out of the morning, while avoiding the 'task' I'm supposed to be doing. I pull the pillow back over my face and try to fall asleep again.
I'm not sure exactly how long it's been since Donna walked out of the bedroom, but it doesn't seem like it's very long before I hear her walk back in again.
Peeking out from under the pillow, I try to see what she's doing. Getting to watch her in various states of dressing and undressing is one of the perks of the new status of our relationship.
Much to my disappointment, she's still wearing my robe and doesn't seem to be planning to take it off any time soon. Instead, she's carrying what looks like a boom box, which she sets on the dresser at the foot of the bed.
What the hell is she doing?
It looks like she's fiddling with some of the knobs, then with a somewhat smug little smile, she pushes a button and walks out.
A moment later, oddly familiar music begins pouring from the speakers.
Oh, God.
It's that song.
It's that DAMN song.
'The wheels on the bus go round and round,
round and round
round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
all through the town.'
The same song I've had to listen to seemingly every hour of every day for the last week.
'The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish,
swish, swish, swish,
swish, swish, swish,
The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish,
all through the town.'
CJ has been singing it to me every time I get within ear shot of her.
'The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep,
beep, beep, beep.
The horn on the bus goes beep, beep, beep,
all through the town.'
Sam has serenaded me with it every time I pass him in the hallway.
'The money on the bus goes, clink, clink, clink,
clink, clink, clink,
clink, clink, clink,
The money on the bus goes, clink, clink, clink,
all through the town.'
Charlie, Ed and Larry sent me e-mails and text messages with the lyrics for it.
'The driver on the bus says, "Move on back,
move on back, move on back,"
The driver on the bus says, "Move on back,"
all through the town.'
Donna hummed it until I begged and promised to be her sex slave if she stopped.
Okay, that one was kind of a win/win for me.
'The baby on the bus says, "Wah, wah, wah,
wah, wah, wah,
wah, wah, wah."
The baby on the bus says, "Wah, wah, wah,"
all through the town.'
The president even sang it under his breath in that way that said he wanted me to hear it, but didn't want me to be able to accuse him of doing it on purpose.
'The mommy on the bus says, "Shush, shush, shush,
shush, shush, shush,
shush, shush, shush."
The mommy on the bus says, "Shush, shush, shush"
all through the town.'
Trying to block out what is easily the most hateful melody I've ever heard, I pull the pillow down tighter over my head. At this point, I'd stuff the pillow in my ears if I could.
'The doors on the bus go open and shut,
open and shut,
open and shut.
The doors on the bus go open and shut,
all through the town.'
The pillow is not helping at all. In fact, at this point it's like someone is sitting on my brain singing it to me inside my own head.
'The bell on the bus goes ding-ding-ding,
ding-ding-ding,
ding-ding-ding,
The bell on the bus goes ding-ding-ding,
all through the town.'
The song finishes and begins to fade out and I almost weep with relief. My former cockiness begins to return. I survived that song being played again...
Oh, no, it's starting over...no, wait, it's a different version. The words are the same but this time it has a distinct country twang to it.
"DONNA!!!!" I scream.
She must have been standing just outside, because she appears in the doorway almost instantly.
"Yes?" she says over the sound of the music with a sweetly innocent grin.
"Shut that damn thing off!!!" I roar.
"No," she tells me quite clearly. "If you want it off you'll have to get out of bed and turn it off yourself."
With that she disappears again.
"Arg!!!!!" I yell in simple frustration.
'The wheels on the bus go round and round,
round and round
round and round.
The wheels on the bus go round and round,
all through the town.'
Throwing the pillow off me, I pitch it at the boom box. Of course, the pillow bounces off of it ineffectually and the music...such as it is, plays on. This time it's a more Reggae version of the song. I try throwing Donna's pillow at it too, with the same result.
I consider throwing something more substantial at it, like the lamp or my alarm clock, but it occurs to me that I'm being childish and I settle for scrubbing my hands hard over my face.
I guess I don't have much choice but to get out of bed and take my proverbial medicine.
Throwing back the covers, I climb slowly out of bed. Stretching hard, I make my way over to the dresser and punch the power button. The room instantly fades into blessed silence.
I really hate that song. I mean I REALLY hate it.
My nose twitches at the smell of fresh brewed coffee and it makes me smile. Donna may not BRING me coffee any more now than she did before we got together, but she doesn't mind making it for both of us in the mornings.
After a quick trip to the bathroom, I shuffle into the kitchen where I find Donna sipping a cup of coffee and chewing on a piece toast while she stands at the counter and reads the morning paper.
"You and CJ are not playing fair with the music," I complain as I pour myself a cup of coffee. “Whose side are you on anyway?"
With a smile, she leans in and gives me a rather sweet morning kiss. "Like I said, whatever it takes to get you up and moving."
I stare down into my coffee. "I'm not doing this, Donna."
"I think you are, Josh," she replies pleasantly.
How can she not be on my side about this? "No, I'm really not."
She leans a hip against the counter. "Josh, a bet's a bet and you lost, so it's time to take it like a man."
Okay, so she has a point. Damn, I hate when she uses logic. "But I don't want to ride the bus!" I whine. "Isn't there some way you could use your pull with the Sisterhood to plead my case and get a reduced sentence?"
“It’s riding the bus, Josh, not a death sentence.”
“Same thing,” I grumble back taking a sip of the searing hot coffee.
From her expression, I can tell she's going to use more of her logic on me. "If you'd won the bet would you have let CJ talk you down to a reduced sentence?"
"Sure?" It comes out of more a question than a statement and I hate the way my voice cracks then I say it.
She looks at me skeptically. "Josh," she chides.
"Okay, so I wouldn't have!" I admit. "But her singing the Jackal isn't as humiliating as me riding the freakin' bus!"
"Not for you," Donna points out. "Despite the fact that usually CJ usually likes doing the Jackal, it's a different story when it's in front of the White House Press Corps and Danny!"
"All right, fair point," I concede as I drag a hand through my hair. "So I guess I'm not getting out of it."
"Nope, I think you'll just have to face the fact that you're going to be riding the bus today," she agrees rather unsympathetically. Then she cocks her head and gives me a rather curious look. "You have done some research on what buses to take, right?"
"Yeah, about that..."
"Josh!!!!" she says stamping her foot, which I find completely adorable.
"Don't worry..."
"But Josh, you know I can't help you. CJ made me promise..."
I resist the urge to grin like lunatic. Although I don't think she'd admit it, she's worried about me. I like that she worries.
"I know, I know," I try to reassure her. "I'll just go take a shower and then I'll go to the transit authority's website and figure out which buses I'll need to take to get to the Capitol and back to the White House."
Donna still looks at me a bit skeptically. "Okay, but if you wind up in Baltimore, don't call me to come pick you up."
She really is cute. Smiling, I kiss her on the forehead. "I promise."
Gripping my coffee cup like a lifeline, I start for the bedroom.
"Oh, and Josh..." The soft, sexy tone in her voice makes me pause in the doorway.
"Yeah...?"
"I just want you to know that when we get home tonight, I'm planning on rewarding you for fulfilling the bet and being environmentally responsible with lots of post-bus sex," she smiles and takes a drink of her coffee. "...during which I'll be doing some riding of my own."
Her words send a bolt of desire right to my groin. "I'm going to hold you to that," I tell her, hoping my voice sounds just as sexy. Although her only action is to nod and smile slyly, I notice that a blush has crept up her neck and into her cheeks, which I've learned means she's well on her way to being aroused.
Maybe riding the bus can wait.
I take a step back toward her, but she stops me with a look. "Afterward Josh, not before," she chastises.
"Yeah, yeah," I mutter with a resigned sigh as I go back into the bedroom.
After grabbing a quick shower, I dress quickly in jeans and a sweatshirt. Since it's Saturday and there's not much going on at the White House today, the casual dress will be okay after my little bus adventure. To top things off, I grab a baseball cap from the closet and shove it on my head. At this point, I'm more worried about being recognized than potentially having hat head.
My last stop is the laptop, where I look up the buses I need take. I'm pleased to discover that I only need to take the route 34 bus to get everywhere I'm going. Not only can I catch it a block from my place, but all I have to do once I get to the Capitol is get off and catch the same route going the other way to get back to the White House. I'm even more pleased that the entire trip shouldn't take me more than an hour or so.
Maybe this bus riding thing won't be so bad.
"Ready to go?" Donna asks as I walk out of the bedroom.
"Yeah," I tell her as I put my jacket on. "Since your mean boss is going to be late today, how are you going to spend your morning?"
"Well, despite what he thinks, there's still work to be done even when he isn't there so I can't go in too late," she says as she straightens the collar of my jacket. "After you take off, I'll grab a shower and then head in."
"'kay." I can't help but smile at her. "Well, you just tell that boss to be nice to you or he'll have me to answer to."
"Okay, we'll do," she grins back . "Oh, could you do me a favor?"
"Sure, what is it?"
I watch her walk over to her purse. "I'm dying for a chocolate croissant, could you pick me up one at the little coffee cart by the White House?"
"Well, okay, but why don't you get it your self?"
She shrugs. "The cart is right by your bus stop so I figured it would be on your way. You know as well as I do that the coffee cart is on the opposite side of the White House grounds from where we normally go in. Besides, I just had some toast so I won't be hungry for it until the time you get to the White House."
I frown at her curiously as she fishes around in her purse for something. "How do you know which bus stop I'm going to be at or what time I'm going to be there?"
"Josh, just because I can't officially help you, doesn't mean I didn't do any research on my own," she points out as she walks back over to me. "Then there's also the fact that I've taken the same bus route to get to work when I can't take the metro." She holds out her hand. "Here."
I put out my hand and she drops a pile of change in it. "What's this for?"
"The croissant," she explains as if I've just asked the dumbest question ever.
"There's like five bucks in change here," I tell her.
"I know, I don't know how much they cost. I'm sorry it's all in change, it's all I have on me right now."
"Keep your change," I say trying to hand it back to her. "I'll pay for it."
She waves me off. "No, no, I'll pay for it. I don't want you thinking you have to pay my way all the time."
"I like paying your way," I tell her.
She smiles at me sweetly. "I know, and I appreciate it, but let me pay for it this time."
"But Donna, I don't want to lug around five bucks in change! I'll probably clink when I walk."
She smiles at me suggestively. "If you do, I'll make it up to you tonight."
Well, that shuts me up. I really can't argue with her when she uses that voice on me. "Okay, you win," I concede, shoving the money in my pocket.
"I'm glad you realize that. Now you'd better get going or you'll be late."
"Right, well, I'll see you later...croissant in hand."
Before I can say anything else, she leans in and gives me a searing goodbye kiss that leaves us both breathing a bit hard and fast. Before I can do anything in the way of reciprocating, she opens the front door.
"Be safe...do good," she says nudging me outside and closing the door behind me.
With a decided spring in my step after that kiss, I head for the bus stop. It's a clear, slightly cool morning, but I think that it's going to warm up enough to be a nice day.
When I finally get to the bus stop, I'm a little surprised to see a number of people already waiting for the bus. I guess I figured there wouldn't be so many people out and about and planning to ride the bus on a Saturday morning.
Where are all these people going?
Now I wish I'd brought the paper to read or something. I feel a little conspicuous just standing here. For a lack of something better to do, I try to surreptitiously study my fellow travelers.
There's the proverbial little old lady with her small fold up shopping cart sitting on the bench. She looks nice enough. I'm assuming she's going to be doing some shopping.
Standing off the end of the bench are two probable delinquents masquerading as teenage boys. They're holding skateboards, which means once they get where we're going they're going to be mobile and probably annoying delinquents. Never a good combination. They'll probably grow up to be Republicans.
And finally, sharing the bench, is a family of three. From the looks of their cameras and the clothing, they fairly scream that they're tourists or sightseers. The little girl is cute though. She's fair haired with blue eyes that seem hungry to inhale the world around her and a smile that could stop traffic. Actually, she kind of looks like I imagine Donna would have looked at that age. Or who knows, maybe she looks like our daughter might look someday.
Whoa.
Where the hell did that thought come from?
Before I can obsess about that any longer, the bus arrives. I'd like to say that it was some belching, ugly monstrosity of a machine, but it looks clean and actually runs pretty quietly. I remember reading something about all the buses in D.C. being electric hybrids or running on compressed natural gas, both of which make them environmentally friendly.
As everyone gathers together, I decide to be polite and stay toward the back. Everyone files on, either shoving money into a monolith at the top of the stairs or showing the driver some kind of pass.
When it's my turn and I step up to the same monolith, I find myself completely baffled. The price for riding the bus is posted and as Donna and Charlie said, it's $1.25. There are a number of slots in the thing, but with nothing that looks obviously where I think I should be putting the money.
It occurs to me then, with terror-inspiring clarity, that the only money I have in my wallet is a twenty dollar bill. This is a very bad turn of events because there is another sign posted next to the fare that says ‘exact change.’
By now everyone is staring at me and the bus driver is giving me what can charitably be described as a dirty look.
"Are you getting on or what?" the driver finally demands.
I consider backing off the bus and rethinking the whole idea, but I can only imagine the tongue lashing from CJ and Donna, not to mention the missing out of the post-bus riding sex and I hold my ground.
"Um...yeah," I tell him, trying to figure out what to do.
Then it hits me.
The money Donna gave me for her croissant. It was all change. Quickly shoving my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hand full of coins and start shoving them into the monolith.
Of course, I'm obviously doing something wrong because the coins aren't going in.
"Not in that slot, in the other one," the driver tells me impatiently as if I'm possibly the dumbest person on the planet.
A freakish amount of relief and even arrogance washes over me when I use the other slot and I hear the money dropping into the machine. In fact, from the amount of pride and joy I feel, you’d think I’d either just climbed Mount Everest or scored the winning touch down. I can’t help but grin at the driver in triumph.
The driver just rolls his eyes as if to say I’ve just eliminated any doubts he had that I am indeed the dumbest person on the planet.
Of course, I do nothing to contradict this idea when I continue to just stand there like an idiot, even after I’ve dropped in enough money for the fare.
“You have to find a seat or get behind the yellow line before we can go, sir,” the driver tells me as he points to a bright yellow strip on the floor separating the driver’s area from the rest of the bus. I get the distinct impression that I’m quickly straining his limited patience.
“Oh, right, sorry,” I mumble as I practically leap over the line in my haste to do what he’s telling me.
Luckily for me, I manage to grab an overhead hand rail just as the bus lunges forward and starts moving. Otherwise, it’s entirely likely that I would have ended up in the lap of the rather large necked man who looks like he could have auditioned for ‘The Incredible Hulk’ and been turned down because he was TOO big.
In any case, I don’t think he would have appreciated me sitting in his lap. Still, after he turned me into a pretzel, I probably could have gotten a lot of sympathy from CJ and Donna.
Okay, at least from Donna. I’m guessing CJ would have been laughing too hard to be sympathetic.
I start to make my way along the aisle. Most of the two person seats that line both sides of the aisle have at least one person sitting in them so I keep moving.
Making the trip is a little more difficult due to the level of self-consciousness that I feel over the fact that everyone is staring at me with expressions running the gamut from annoyance to curiosity. A number of them also have expressions that match the bus driver’s, testimony to the fact they think I’m an idiot too.
I’m suddenly very, VERY glad I wore this baseball cap.
I want to blurt something out like I scored a 760 verbal on my SATs or that I went to Harvard and was a Fulbright Scholar, but somehow I don’t think that’s going to help my case much with this crowd, so I keep my mouth shut and hang on.
Using the railing to pull myself along and keep from embarrassing myself further, I move toward the back of the bus. I didn’t realize that the bus would be multi-level, but about half way back the floor rises and the padded seats, and the term 'padded' is being generous, are higher. Actually I kind of like the idea of sitting higher to keep a better eye on things. Maybe I’ll be spared any more surprises, if I can see things coming. Sitting in this area is also better because there are fewer people.
About three rows from the back I choose an empty seat on the driver’s side of the bus and drop into it. Rather than pumping the air in triumph like I want to, I decide to make myself as inconspicuous as possible, so I pull the baseball cap a little farther down on my head.
From under the brim of my cap, I take in the interior of the bus. Small billboards touting a variety of subjects line both sides of the bus up along the top near the lights. An upcoming 5K walk/run to raise money for breast cancer research, real estate, various department stores and restaurants, public services announcements and rules of the bus.
It’s not very exciting but at least I’ll have something to tell CJ about my trip if she asks what I saw during my travels.
As we make our next stop and people get off and more get on I can feel myself getting bored and again, I wish that I’d brought something to read.
“Next stop, H street and Jackson Place NW," I hear the driver say over some kind of sub-standard loud speaker. I assume he means that's the next major stop. I have to admit that it's kind of helpful that they do that so you always know where you are, plus I seem to vaguely remember that that it’s also a requirement of the American’s with Disabilities Act for the sake of the blind. I also take note of the fact that people pull on a yellow cord if they want the bus to stop at any of the lesser stops along the way.
Donna always tells me that I get into the most trouble when I get bored, so I try to occupy my brain by studying some of the people on the bus.
In addition to my companions at the bus stop, I see no less than four little old Asian women, although I don’t think they’re all traveling together. Two of them are carrying cloth shopping bags, so either they’re the oldest and most unlikely female bank robbers in recorded history or they’re going to do their marketing. Sitting with one of the women is a little and equally old Asian man. I can’t see if they’re wearing rings or anything and it’s not like they’re bickering like an old married couple...or you know, Donna and me, but I’m guessing they’re married.
Not that Donna and I are married, of course.
And, really, we don’t bicker, I like to think we banter. Yes, bantering is a good description. I like bantering with Donna, it’s often the highlight of my day.
Well, that and making love with her. That’s just...well...just flat out amazing.
And you know, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it...about us getting married, I mean.
SOMEDAY...us getting married SOMEDAY. I think she’d be the first one to say we’re not quite ready for that step yet.
But it seems that I keep thinking more and more about us getting married, at least in the abstract sense. Despite being a confirmed bachelor for as long as I can remember, the idea of getting married doesn’t freak me out as much as I think it once would have. I attribute that solely to the fact that I’d be specifically marrying Donna. Long ago I came to the conclusion I’d be spending the rest of my life with her and that's a good thing. Making it official is really just a formality and we'll get there eventually.
I’m so absorbed in my thoughts about Donna, I almost miss the fact that we’re approaching the White House.
As we drive past, I stare longingly at the building that’s become such a force in my life. My first instinct is to try to cut my trip short and just get off here, but CJ said she was going to have someone watching for me at the Capitol so there's no way I can make my own short cut and get off early.
The rest of the ride to the Capitol is uneventful and painless. As the bus nears the Capitol building, I can't hold back a smile when I realize that my ordeal is almost half over. Actually, since the White House is halfway between my place and the Capitol, it's more like two-thirds of the way over, which makes me even happier.
It occurs to me then that if I survive this experience unscathed, I'll be able to gloat about it to CJ for quite some time.
Things keep get better and better.
Just as I've seen everyone else do, when I'm ready to get off the bus, I pull the yellow cord and a chime sounds. As the bus begins to slow, I pull myself out of the seat and holding onto the overhead rails, move toward the rear exit of the bus.
To avoid embarrassing myself in front of my fellow riders a final time, I take extra care going down the steps and I manage to make it off the bus without bodily injury.
As the bus pulls away, I stand there in the morning sun and draw a deep, thankful breath. I made it this far. Now all I have to...
"Hey, Josh."
Whipping around, I see a familiar face walking toward me. "Sam...what are you doing here?"
Sam grins at me. "CJ wanted me make sure you made it this far. Do you think you could stand over there?" he says pointing to a grassy area a few feet to my left.
"Why?" I ask in curiosity as I move to the spot he indicates.
"Because it will get the Capitol Building in the picture."
"What picture?"
He pulls a small digital camera out of his pocket. “The one CJ said she’d pay me twenty bucks for,” he says casually as he lifts the camera to his face.
I’m beginning to think of places I’d like him to stick that camera. "SAM!"
"What?" he says lowering the camera again, apparently surprised by the angry tone in my voice.
"Whose side are you on?"
"I'm on MY side," Sam replies. "I'm making thirty bucks out of this deal."
"I thought you said that CJ was only paying you twenty for the picture?"
"She is. The other ten she paid me just to come over here. Now smile and say cheese."
"SAM!" I bellow again as he takes the picture, which guarantees I'm going to look like a raving lunatic in a picture I'm sure CJ will blow up and wallpaper her office with.
"Come on, Josh, you had to know that CJ was going to skewer you on this."
Leave it to Sam to point out the obvious. "I know, but I didn't think you were going to be helping her!"
"Hey, when the Sisterhood's involved, I've learned to help or stay out of the way," he tells me. "In this case, I chose to help."
"Thanks a bunch, Sam," I grumble as I head for the crosswalk so I can get to the bus stop on the other side of the street. Something suddenly hits me and I turn around to yell back to him...”
“Sam...ack!”
Much to my surprise, I find him standing right behind me and I end up practically yelling in his face. Although in my current mood it’s not an unpleasant turn of events for me.
“What?!” he says, clearly startled as he takes a step back.
“How did you even know where I was going to get off? There are a number of stops around the Capitol I could have used.”
“Oh, that. CJs got people at all the bus stops in the area. It was just my luck to be at this one.” He pauses for a second. “Actually it wasn’t luck so much as I asked for this stop.”
“Why did you ask for this one?”
“I figured you’d pick this one since it’s the first one you come to on the bus route from Georgetown. If I were in your shoes I’d get off at the earliest possible stop. But even if you hadn’t, CJs pretty much thrown a net over the Mall to keep tabs on you.”
“She has?” I ask in incredulous surprise. CJ is taking this wayyyy too seriously.
“Yeah, I swear, she could give the FBI lessons in surveillance,” Sam says with a laugh. “CJs got the Sisterhood linked with cell phones and working it’s mojo to make sure she knows right where you are at all times.”
“So are Donna and all the assistants watching the other stops?”
“Well, not here. I think she’s got them staked out in the area around the White House.”
“Then who’s watching the Capitol besides you?” The way I see it, I need to know who I’m up against.
“She recruited Charlie and Ed and Larry to cover the other stops around here.”
“But why is CJ going to all this trouble? Doesn’t she trust me?”
Sam grins at me. “Sorry, Josh, I think she knows you too well by now.”
I’m ready to launch into a tirade about that, but he has a tiny point, plus, the tirade would sort of be lost on him as he’s just the messenger. Instead, another tactic occurs to me.
“I’ve got an idea.”
Clearly, my words make Sam instantly suspicious. “Uh, oh.”
“No, no, you’ll like this. How would you like to make and extra twenty bucks and be sort of a double agent for me?”
“Well, as much as I fear any retribution from the Sisterhood if they find out I’ve turned double agent, I like the extra twenty bucks.”
“Good.”
He looks at me for a second. “What do you want me to do?”
“All you have to do is take another picture of me, a good picture and promise to delete the first one before anyone else sees it. That will at least spare me a little humiliation.”
“Okay, sounds easy enough,” he agrees.
“And...”
Sam sighs. “I knew there was a catch.”
“No, no, it’s not bad,” I promise him. “Can I assume you’re supposed to call CJ and let her know when I get on the bus so she’ll be waiting to ambush me back at the White House?”
“Yeah,” he confirms suspiciously.
“Could you NOT do that?”
He looks a little scared now. “I don’t know, Josh, that will probably mean taking my life in my hands.”
“Nah, just tell her you tried to call her, but your cell battery died.”
Sam is clearly hesitant. “Well, I don’t know...”
“Oh, come on, Sam! Do this for me...do it for the guys who got roped into this exercise...do it for...the Brotherhood.”
Okay, so I made up 'the Brotherhood.' I’m sure if Toby were here he’d smack me for lumping him into something like this.
“All right, all right, but if the Sisterhood takes it’s retribution out on me, I’m going to take it out on you.”
Sam doesn’t scare me at all, but I let him think so to get my way. “Fair enough,” I say with a grin. “Now how about that picture?”
“Go stand over there,” he tells me.
I do as he says and I aim a carefree smile and jaunty little wave at the camera. Take that CJ.
I see Sam grin widely as he takes the picture. “Why are you grinning like that?” I asked him after he’s done.
“You look like something out of a travel brochure.”
He shows me the new picture, as much as I hate getting my picture taken, it’s really not half bad this time. “Perfect. Now let me see you delete the other one.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to keep it?” Sam asks as he flips back to it. “It’s really kind of funny.”
As it comes up on the display, my earlier fears are realized. It captures me yelling at Sam and I look like a raving lunatic. “No, I can’t risk it falling into anyone else’s hands. Delete it.”
“Okay,” he says clearly disappointed. With a push of a button, the image dissolves and the display goes back to the second and much more acceptable picture. “Good, now here’s your money.”
I pull out my wallet and fish a twenty dollar bill out and hand it to him. “Thanks, Sam, you’re a life saver.”
“Just doing my part for the Brotherhood,” he says. Then he seems to realize how dorky it sounds. “You know, let’s just keep the Brotherhood thing between us.”
“My thinking exactly,” I say slapping him on the back. “Now I’ve got a bus to catch. Remember, don’t call CJ.”
“Got it,” Sam says.
I walk to the traffic light at the cross walk, but as I turn to push the button, I’m surprised to see that Sam is only a couple steps behind me. Sam would never make a good spy, he’s not exactly what you’d call, stealthy.
Now me, on the other hand, I would make a great spy. I can see it now. Me in a dashing tuxedo, a cigarette dangling nonchalantly, from my mouth, a cold martini in my hand.
Lyman...Joshua Lyman, international man of mystery, I serve at the pleasure of the President of the United States and licensed to kill...no. Yes, licensed to thrill...much better.
Okay so I’m vehemently against smoking, I faint at even the thought of blood, I hate martinis and I can hear Donna, who would make an excellent Bond girl by the way, laughing at me already. On the upside, I do look good in a tuxedo if I do say so myself and I do serve at the Pleasure of the President. All in all, I think it balances out in my favor.
Sam’s giving me a funny look, probably because I’ve been looking at him while my mind’s been wandering, but I haven’t said a word. Even though I’ve got him on my side at the moment, best not to give him any more ammunition or stories he can squeal on me to CJ about.
"Now what are you doing?" I ask instead feeling confused and a little annoyed by his continued presence. "Looking for another photo op?"
"No, I was just..." He looks oddly suspicious. "I’m just walking in the same direction as you."
"So...you were following me?" I surmise as the light changes and we start across the street.
"No, but I can see why you'd think that," he says as a non-answer as he moves to walk beside me.
Our conversation is giving me a headache, so I decide to move on. "Okay, whatever.”
“So...riding the bus,” he says obviously trying to make conversation as we walk. “I didn’t ask you before, how’s it going?”
There’s no way in hell I’m going to tell him about being confused about where to put the money in. “I got here, didn’t I? It’s going fine. No sweat.”
“Oh, good...good to hear,” he says awkwardly as we reach the sidewalk on the far side of the crosswalk and walk the short distance to the bus stop. “And you know which bus to get on next?”
“Yeah, Sam, contrary to what everyone apparently thinks, I’m not a complete moron.”
“I don’t think anyone thinks your a moron, Josh,” he tells me. “Not anyone who knows you anyway.”
“Gee, thanks for the ringing endorsement, Sam,” I mutter.
“So which one is it?”
Baffled, I frown at him. “Which one is what?”
“Which bus do you get on next?”
“The same one I just got off of, just going in the opposite direction...” I tell him in annoyance as I stop suddenly and turn to face him. “Sam, what the hell is going on?”
“What do you mean?” he asks trying to be innocent and failing miserably.
“Something’s going on and I’d like to know what it is.” I demand. “I mean have you appointed yourself the school bus monitor and I’m one of the kids you’re putting on the bus?”
Much to my surprise he gets a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face. “Something like that,” he admits.
“So now you’re my mother?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then why the guardian angel routine?” I challenge him.
Sam apparently figures out that he’s not going to get out of giving me an answer. “Someone asked me to look out for you, okay?”
“Someone? Who? It can’t be CJ.”
“No, not CJ,” he confirms.
“But I thought you said CJ sent you here?”
“No, I said CJ paid me ten bucks to come here and watch you get off the bus and hopefully get photographic proof that you made it this far,” he corrects.
“Then why are you making sure I get on the right bus to go back to the White House?”
“’Cause someone asked me too.”
“Who?”
“Someone,” he says evasively.
“WHO?!” I ask more heatedly.
He sighs in defeat. “Donna, okay. Donna asked me.”
Well, I hadn’t really expected that answer. Does she really think I’m so incompetent? I mean, I know I do boneheaded things once in a while, but does she really think I can’t manage to get on a bus all by myself?
“She did?”
“Yeah, I think she was worried about you and didn’t want you to give CJ any more good material.”
That idea makes me feel a little better. I like it when she worries about me and tries to look out for me. The fact that she kind of went against the Sisterhood to do it, even if it was surreptitiously, also makes me feel good.
“She also said something about wanting to make sure you didn’t wind up in Maryland, but she couldn’t break her promise to CJ and do it herself.”
“Isn’t having you do it for her still helping?”
“I don’t think she saw it that way,” Sam said. “She gave me instructions not to actually intervene unless you did something really off track.”
“So you’re like a safety net,” I offer.
“Yes, exactly!” he brightens.
That makes the knot in my stomach loosen even farther. She trusts me, but she wants to watch out for me if I make a wrong step. Feeling better, I start walking toward the bus stop again and Sam falls into step with me.
I can’t help but grin. “So how much is she paying you?”
Sam shrugged. “She’s not.”
Once again, I’m baffled. “Then why are you here?”
“Because she asked me to be here,” he explains simply.
“So, CJ has to pay you and I have to pay you, but Donna just snaps her fingers and you automatically do what she says?”
“Are you kidding?” he grins. “I’m a sucker for a woman in love.”
I stop walking again and now I’m struck speechless. My chest is also suddenly a little tight. The odd thing is, it’s a pleasant, rather than unpleasant sensation.
“In love?” I finally manage. “You think she’s in love with me?”
He stares at me as if I’ve lost my mind. “Josh, have you ever MET Donna? She’s your tall, blonde, leggy, not to mention, gorgeous assistant. She’s clearly got it bad for you.”
My earlier speechlessness turns into a sudden grin. Donna loves me...she’s IN LOVE with me.
“And from your expression you’ve got it bad for her,” Sam comments.
“Sam, I’ve had it bad for her since I found her in standing in my office in New Hampshire,” I admit.
Sam grins and shakes his head. “It’s good to hear you admit it,” he says. “I wasn’t sure you realized it.”
“Oh, I realized it...I was just too stupid to admit it,” I tell him. “Not to mention I figured it was a one way thing on my part and that Leo would kill me if I did anything about it.”
Sam claps me on the back. “Well, I’m here to tell you it’s definitely not a one way thing. She really loves you.” He grins. “If she didn’t she wouldn’t have put up with you this long.”
“Thanks a lot, Sam,” I say sarcastically. Before I can think up a more appropriate comeback, I see the bus approaching. “There’s my ride, I gotta go,” I tell him, moving to the stop. “Don’t forget our deal!” I call out.
He raises his hand to wave. “I won’t!”
Everyone ahead of me is already filing on the bus so I take my place in line. After my earlier experiences, I’m feeling pretty self-reliant and I have no trouble using more of Donna's change to pay my fare just like everyone else.
I am a little dismayed to see that this bus is more crowded than the first one. The few available seats are the other half of ones that are already occupied. Since my trip back to the White House is not very long, I decide to just take my chances standing about halfway back with my hand firmly around an upper railing.
I’m not sure if it’s because the bus is so crowded or things have proceeded smoothly this time, but oddly, I don’t feel as if I stick out like a sore thumb. I have to say it’s a good feeling.
I’m also feeling pretty smug at getting Sam to defect so CJ will have a little surprise coming when I get to the White House.
Another very good feeling.
At the next stop, any of the remaining seats on the bus are filled. To me, the bus looks more like it should during rush hour during the week. As I did earlier, I wonder where everyone is going on a Saturday morning in D.C.
Unfortunately, the smooth sailing comes to a screeching halt very shortly.
And I was so close.
All D.C. buses are handicapped equipped and have lift gates for people that can't manage the stairs. When we get to the stop at Pennsylvania Avenue and 8th Street, a young woman, clearly paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair, uses the lift to enter the bus.
When I was stumbling through the first bus, I noticed a sign that indicated one set of seats on each side of the aisle can fold up to accommodate a wheelchair so it will not block the aisle.
The problem is that right now both sets of seats are occupied. On the one side, the seats are occupied by two very elderly looking women, who, given the fact that they look very similar, are probably sisters. On the other side, sits a perfectly healthy teenage boy of about 15, who's done all he can to make him and his freakishly large skateboard fill the seat.
The woman in the wheelchair looks uncertain about what to do as she looks at the occupants of both seats. "Um, I'm really sorry, but could you move so I can put my chair in your place?" she asks the teenager with as much politeness as she can.
"I was here first, Lady."
"Hey, kid..." the female bus driver calls back. "...we can't go until the wheelchair is stowed and that seat has handicapped priority, you'll have to move."
"Ah, screw you," he says, flipping her the finger.
Okay, I was wrong. He's not a 15-year old teenager, he's s 15-year old creep. I can't let the little pig get away with it, so I let go of the hand rail and step forward.
"Hey, Fonzie, you heard them, get up."
At first, he looks a little startled that someone else is challenging him, but he recovers quickly and he's back to being the smart ass. "Fonzie? So does that make you...Ritchie Cunningham?" he smirks.
Wow, it's hard to believe, but this kid is even more arrogant than I am. Well, he's messing with the wrong guy this time.
"That makes me someone who's going to take you out of that seat if you don't get up on your own."
"Look, man, this is MY seat. I was here first," he starts to snicker. "Besides, she doesn't need my seat, she's got her own."
"You...up...now." I tell him.
"Why don't they just get up and she can just roll herself over there," he says pointing at the two little old ladies.
I can't believe this kid. "Because you're fifteen and they're not."
"Well, it's a free country and I'm not moving," he says folding his arms over his chest.
"It's okay, Hazel and I can stand," one of the little old ladies says as she starts to try and rise.
"No, ladies, it's okay. You stay right where you are," I tell her as I turn back to the kid. I could try and manhandle him out of the seat, but I decide the best tactic might be to treat him like I treat misbehaving members of Congress.
Threaten them.
Leaning in, I speak softly enough that only he and I can hear. Not once does my voice get any higher than a whisper.
"Here's the deal. See Kid, I work for the President of the United States, which means I've got the FBI, the Secret Service, the D.C. police, and the CIA all on speed dial. If you don't believe I can change your life and the lives of any person you know or have ever met, then keep acting like the little pissant you are and I'll swear on all I hold dear that I'll have a group of them waiting for you when you get off this bus and I promise you they will hound you until the day you die."
For half a second he looks like he's going to argue with me or call me a liar, but then I'm guessing he sees the gleam in my eye and I literally see the color drain out of his face when he realizes I'm dead serious.
"Okay, okay!" he exclaims scrambling out of the seat. "Don't get excited. Geez. I'm getting off this freakin' tank."
As the bus explodes with applause, the little punk practically jumps the steps in one leap and bursts out of the bus.
Reaching down, I fold the seat up and the young woman wheels into the spot. "Thank you," she said gratefully as she sets the brake on her wheelchair to hold it in place.
"No problem," I tell her with a smile.
"Thank you, young man," one of the two older ladies tell me.
"You're our hero," the other one adds.
I give them a nod and smile as I move back to my place and grab onto the rail. Huh, who would have guessed that I'd be able to flex my considerable power even on the bus?
I'd be lying if I said that by the time the bus finally pulls away from the curb and starts moving again, I don't feel about ten feet tall.
Okay, so maybe riding the bus has not been a wasted experience, in fact, it's been a remarkable and surprising trip. It's funny how you can feel like part of a community even on a bus full of strangers.
As I ride the rest of the short distance to the White House, the euphoria over my earlier triumph lifts enough that I remember that CJ is probably waiting for me with God knows who when I get there. Then again, if Sam holds up his end of our bargain, I might be able to catch CJ unaware. Maybe she won't even be out there at all.
With that thought cheering me on as the White House looms large, I pull the yellow cord and the bus slows down. When it comes to a stop, I climb down the stairs and step back onto good ol' terra firma.
The moment is made even sweeter by the fact that no one seems to be waiting for me.
Oh, wait...scratch that.
Now I see them. CJ is standing on the far side of the small bus shelter with what looks to be about 10 people...most of the from the White House Press Corps. The good news is that if I'm not mistaken, the bus shelter is between us and they haven't seen me. If I start walking in the other direction right now, it's very possible that I could make my way around to the main entrance of the White House and I might get away clean.
My thoughts and attention are drawn away from CJ as I hear the bus pull away. You know, I almost feel a sense of regret as I watch it leave. As if I'm going to miss riding the bus. How could I possibly miss something I've only done twice? The whole idea is ludicrous.
But it does end up giving me an idea. As I saw today, it's pretty easy to ride the bus from my place to the White House, so maybe I could start doing it on a more regular basis. I mean, it wouldn't be a good idea if I had to get to the White House in a hurry, but just for everyday it wouldn't be so bad, at least in the morning. With our late hours, I don't know if it would be a good idea so late at night for safety reasons, but mornings would work. No pun intended.
Maybe Donna and I could even do it together as kind of a bonding thing like regular people do. After all, doing anything with Donna is always more entertaining than doing it without her.
"JOSH!!"
Damn.
I know that voice. CJ, and her goons have noticed me.
Trying to make the best of it and not giving CJ the satisfaction of knowing that I'm dismayed at having them see me, I turn and wave.
"Hey, CJ!" I call with a bright smile and she and her entourage rush toward me. "There you are! I figured you'd be around here somewhere."
"I wasn't expecting you yet," she says. "Someone was supposed to call to let me know when you'd be here."
"Sam didn't call you?" I ask innocently. "He said he was going to."
"No, I haven't heard a word from anyone," she replies in annoyance.
"Hey, Josh."
"Hey, Danny," I greet with a genuine smile. "How's it going?"
"Just waiting around for you," Danny tells me. "I couldn't believe it when CJ told me you were riding the bus."
I glance at CJ with amusement. "Yeah, well, you know how things are around here, you never can tell what's going to happen next."
"Okay, cut the chit chat and let me look at you," CJ interrupts as she gives me a once over. "Well, you don't look any worse for wear."
I give her a shrug. "Nope, I told you riding the bus was a piece of cake."
"You didn't have any problems?" she asks skeptically.
Enjoying her dismay, I grin at her. "You sound disappointed."
"She's just unhappy because she lost twenty bucks to me," Danny puts in.
"Danny!" CJ protests.
"How did she lose twenty bucks?"
Danny ignores her protests. "She bet me twenty that you'd never make it to the White House on the bus."
I grin at Danny and then CJ. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, CJ."
"No problem, Josh," she grins, but I can read the annoyance in it. She's clearly peeved that I'm not providing quite the amount of entertainment she was hoping for. "Now go stand in front of the bus thing so we can get your picture."
Taking off my cap so they're sure to get my good side, I smile and wave triumphantly at the camera with the White House in the background. The flashes go off and I don't even mind the fact that I'm momentarily blinded. After my experiences on the bus and now that I'm probably going to get my picture in the newspaper, I really do feel like a hero.
"How did you like riding the bus, Josh?" one of the reporters asked.
I smile even wider. "It was great. I recommend it to everyone. In fact, I think I'm going to try doing it more and more."
"Can we quote you, Josh?"
"Go right ahead," I tell them.
I hear CJ snort. "Be serious, Josh."
"I am serious," I tell her. "I really am thinking about riding the bus more."
Now she looks incredulous AND annoyed. "So you ride the bus ONCE and now you're the poster boy for the transit system?"
"Something like that." I just grin at her. “You know me, I'm a fast learner."
"Well, that's a matter of opinion," she grumbles. "Personally, I think you're just the luckiest man on earth."
I don't let her mood dampen mine. "That too."
"Don't you have some Republicans to crush?" she asks.
I can't seem to stop grinning. "There are always Republicans to crush, CJ."
"Then go get to work!" she orders.
"Yes, ma'am. See you later, guys," I call to the reporters.
"See ya, Josh!" they call back.
Still unable to wipe the smile off my face I start down the sidewalk toward the nearest White House entrance. Unable to go without getting in a parting shot, I pause on the sidewalk and turn back. "Oh, and CJ?!"
"What?!!" she calls back.
"Be sure I get copies of all the pictures!!!"
For a second I think she's going to do a very un-CJ like thing and flip me the finger, but being out in public and around all the press people, she really can't do anything like that.
"Yeah, yeah!" she calls back waving me inside and out of her hair.
I make my way around to the White House entrance I normally use and walk into the Northwest Lobby. I see Margaret walking through the lobby carrying a bagel and my heart drops.
Crap.
Donna's croissant.
I didn't get Donna's chocolate croissant. CJ and her goon squad distracted me from going to the coffee cart near the bus stop. Even though I used most of her change on the bus, I planned to just use my own cash to buy it for her.
Bam! It hits me like a bolt of lightning.
The change for the croissant.
Donna didn’t really want a chocolate croissant, well okay, maybe she did, but I’d be willing to bet that she gave me the change as a failsafe in case I forgot to take change with me.
It all makes sense now. I thought it was weird that she insisted so hard on the croissant and even weirder that she only had change to pay for it. But she couldn't come right out and tell me that's why she gave it to me or she'd be breaking her promise to CJ.
I grin like a complete idiot.
She really does love me, doesn't she?
The object of my immense affection picks that moment to walk into the lobby and comes over to me. "Well, how did things go?" she asks me.
"Great. Oh, but I do have some bad news."
She frowns slightly, something that is completely endearing. "What's that?"
"I wasn't able to get your croissant. I...ah...had to use the change for something else."
She grins in a way that tells me my suspicions were correct. "That's okay, I'm watching my figure anyway."
I lean in a little closer. "You don't need to do that. I'm keeping my eye on your figure and it's perfect."
She grins and pushes on my shoulder a little. "Jooosh..."
"Thanks...for watching out for me," I tell her suddenly.
For a second she looks like I've taken her off guard and she's going to get a bit teary, but then she recovers. "I don't know what you mean," she says. "I just wanted a croissant."
I can tell she knows exactly what I'm talking about, but isn't going to admit it. "Yeah, about that, since I knew you were going to be disappointed about missing out on breakfast, I thought I could make it up to you."
She cocks her head at me. "Oh, and how do you propose to do that?"
"Well, I thought we could get out of here at a reasonable hour and I could take you to dinner."
The teary look comes back. "Really?"
"Yeah," I tell her with a lopsided smile.
"'Cause you know how my boss can be about me leaving early for a date."
"Well, he owes me one, so this time I don't think he'll give you any trouble."
Although it's a borderline violation of Leo's decorum rule, Donna pulls me into a hug. "It's a date," she whispers.
Running my hand over her hair, I hug her back. "Have I mentioned how much I love you?" I say with a soft chuckle.
I feel her stiffen slightly and she pulls back to look at me. A look of surprise is clearly stamped on her face. "No, I don't think we've said that before," she says quietly with a smile tugging at her lips and the teary look back in her eyes.
I brush a hand over her cheek. "Well, I do. Very much."
Pressing her cheek into my hand, she stares at me for a moment with a look that makes my insides melt into a gooey pile.
"Me too," she whispers.
I don't care if Leo does kill me and I don't care who sees. We just said we love each other for the first time and I'm going to kiss her. I capture her face in my hands and I press my lips to hers. I feel her mouth soften under mine and her hands grip my shoulders. As always kissing her goes right to my head and it swims with the taste of her.
I'm dimly aware of a buzzing in my head and it takes me a second to realize it's clapping and not buzzing.
"What the hell is going....." I hear Leo's voice. "JOSH!"
Donna and I pull apart and see a slightly bemused, slightly annoyed Leo standing at the edge of the crowd that apparently gathered to watch our kiss. He steps forward and spins on the crowd. "Okay, show's over, you people don't get paid to stand around. Now get back to work!"
As everyone begins to disperse, he strides over to us. "Josh, what the hell are you doing?" he demands.
I look at Donna with a grin. "I believe I was kissing my girlfriend."
Leo rolls his eyes. "Josh, you know what I told you about this kind of thing."
"You're absolutely right, Leo."
"I mean it, Josh. You can't keep..." Leo stumbles. "...what did you say?"
I look at him again. "I said you're right. Which is why, barring a national emergency, Donna and I will only be working half a day today." I look back at Donna with a gleam in my eye. "Any longer than that and I won't be able to restrain myself from doing more of what we were just doing."
Donna grins at me
“Oh, for the love of God...” Leo mutters, clearly ready to pull his hair out. “Fine, whatever, take a half day. Just do what it takes to stop making a spectacle out of yourselves in my lobby!"
"Don't worry, Leo," Donna tells him. "I'll keep him in line."
Leo just sighs and grumbles a reply as he heads back to his office. "That would be a first."
The two of us stand in the middle of the lobby as people mill around us. "Come on," I finally say. "Let's get to work so we can get out of here."
"'kay," Donna says with a grin.
With that, we turn and walk hand and hand into the bullpen.
**********
So, anyway...that's the story of how I lost a hand at poker and a stupid bet to CJ and had to ride the bus.
True to my earlier plan, I have started riding the bus on a more regular basis, often with Donna by my side. Even though the ride isn't long, I like that we have a few minutes of peace and quiet before another hectic day starts.
So while I'm still not quite sure how I let myself get roped into losing a bet to CJ, I'm actually pretty glad I did. Especially since at the end of the experience I got to tell Donna I love her.
Not to mention that the dinner and sex we had afterward were mind-blowing.
Just don't tell CJ that I liked it so much. She'll just want to gloat and say she did me a favor.
Which she did...but I don't want her to know that.
The End.
